Visit your garage at 3 AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect.
Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car.
Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled.
Turn over and repeat with the other breast.
Freeze two metal bookends over night.
Strip to the waist.
Invite a stranger into the room.
Press the bookends against one of your breasts.
Smash the bookends together as hard as you can.
Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.
YOU ARE NOW TOTALLY PREPARED!